There are some men of the kind, who will look at your most outward appearance, and want to get into the deepest, innermost part of you.
They look at how beautiful you are, and all they really find there is an object.
They see how the waves of your hair fall, they notice the curves of your sides and your behind, they mentally calculate your bra size and challenge themselves to find out if they were right or wrong.
And they want to quickly jump into the most private parts of you, emotionally, mentally and sexually, skipping everything in between.
They want to know all your secrets. They want to know your past, why the previous guy left you, how badly he hurt you.
They will ask you the most pointed questions, if you have a closet they will force it open, leaving you feeling vulnerable and naked.
These are the men to be avoided like plague.
Then there are the kind of men who appreciate your beauty, yes, they are stunned and dumbfounded, but they know there is a lot more to you than just your exterior.
They see how beautiful your eyes are, not just aesthetically speaking, but also for the little peek they give them into your soul.
They know you have secrets, you have deep, intimate portions of you, but that is not their space to interfere. They would like to get to know you, and they will enter that innermost space only if, and when, they are welcomed inside.
They want to know you for who you are, and they know there is a lot more to you than just your pretty face or your vagina.
They want to know what interests you, what puzzles you, what your dreams are. They want to know your mind.
They want to know what you like doing, and whether they can join you in doing that. Maybe they can come with you to that crafts mela, or doodle a bit while you draw, or sing along as you strum your guitar.
They want to take you out, they want to spend time with you, they want to make you laugh.
And they want you to know them for who they are. They are self-assured and confident, not insecure or anxious. They are not seeking approval or validation, yet they will jump for joy with your every praise.
They want to tell you what interests them, what puzzles them, what their dreams are. They want you to know their mind.
They want to tell you what they like doing, and see if you’d like to join them. If you’d like a little game of tennis, a sci-fi movie, read an academic article they’re reading, or if you’d like to just sit beside them and do your work while they do theirs.
They will treat you like a princess. They will hold the door open for you. They will take you out on a date and pull the chair for you. They will watch you as you sip your red wine.
And they will do all this not with an agenda of sleeping with you afterwards, they will do this simply for the pleasure they get out of being with you.
They will discuss, share, talk. They will keep their commitments, they will be on time to pick you up, even though they know you will never be ready on time.
Most importantly, they will respect you.
And then, no matter how many or how few girls they have been with before – when you finally choose to hold their hand, their heart will flutter like that of a little boy from a boys’ convent school.
When you hold his hand, you will not feel desperate, sexual sparks. You will not be overwrought with need. Instead, you will feel secure.
When you hold his hand, he will feel like a little boy, as much as he feels like a protective older brother. He will want to keep you safe and warm. He will want to do everything in the world to make you happy.
He will ask for nothing more, for in this moment, he will be happy. You will be happy.
You know that you can be yourself with him. Complete with all your flaws, imperfections, contradictions, silliness. He knows that he can be himself with you.
You will feel safe, warm, secure.
This is the kind of man you want to let in.